Why do we need to get harassed to understand harassment?

 Why do girls understand harassment after being harassed?

This is the constant question moving around my mind and soul from last 3 months when i have visited an assaylum, where i met many girls who are survivors of sexual assault at their young age, and these evils are even from their families. So I just thought it would be best to write about it.

Shweta : The baby Princess

There is this girl Shweta who is now studying in 12th standard, full of life and aspires to become Doctor one day. Nobody can imagine that she was harassed at the age of 4. His uncle came to visit her home, and pampered him with chocolates and stuff. As she belongs to a middle class family, not even her mother taught her of good touch and bad touch. So his uncle, after getting drunk came to her room, where she was studying and excitedly she just ran off to play with him. First he took her into his lap, then started touching her private parts rashily. She asked for help but before anyone came she was harassed badly, though she was in dilemma, her parents asked her to keep her mouth shut. The most drastic thing that happened to her, her parents threw her out of the house because of the fear of the society.

Then she came to this assaylum, it took her three years to heal her soul and when you see her now, she is out of that dilemma, aspiring for life. Smiling with her big doody smile , yes she got scared of her past on some days but she is , we can say okay now.

But still the question remain, “ why we understand harassment after getting harassed?’’

Kavita : Her soul crushed in the darkness

Another survivor was Kavita. She is an amazing young lady, trying to clear Civil Services so that she will fight on ground level for women empowerment.

She got harassed at the age of 14 by one of her cousins. As she explained, her cousin was the most handsome and popular cousin from her mother's side. Once he visited her home where she lived with her parents, grandparents and siblings; overall it was a typical joint family. So somehow, her cousin and her sibling along with her, slept in her room. In the middle of the night, she felt someone's hand over chest, and obviously it wasn’t a good touch at all. She got scared immediately. She removed his hand but said nothing and went to her grandparents to sleep. No, it was not the end, now her cousin started blackmailing her to not tell anyone about it otherwise he will cut his vein. In so much pressure, she did not tell anyone anything.

But then he started giving him so much money and gifts and started visiting her place so frequently and used to do the same with her so many times. So finally she decided to tell her mother about it, then she did not even trust her and asked her to keep her mouth shut.

So in the dilemma, She decided to leave her home where she feels like the most unsafe.

As she left her home, now this assaylum is her nest where she could fly high as much as she wanted. In her words " He crushed my soul completely so as my family whom I loved the most. These incidents inspire me to become an administrative officer so that i could be able to be aware a bunch of females against harassment and to empower them."

Again the question remains, “ why do we need to get harassed to understand the harassment?’’

Kusum: The sword lady and the founder, 

And, lastly, I met the brave lady who turned her home into an asylum. Kusum was harassed many times and it takes a lot of courage to talk about it and to fight about it.

She was a child when first her uncle(fufajee) harassed her and she did not even understand what was happening to her almost many times, until her grandparent noticed her uncle doing the same and threw him out of their home. Again she was harassed when she was in college. Her boyfriend named Kapil manipulated  her photographs and even blackmailed her by posting them everywhere. All these trauma led her to depression and immense fear which destroyed her persona and his self confidence was thrashed badly. Then one of her school friends came to know everything and he stood by her and helped her in fighting with all this harassment.

She filed a police complaint against his uncle and that boy; which made her life miserable in the family who is always scared of society. They asked her to leave or surrender the case. But this time he stands by her and continues her case. Finally, she left her home with the help of her friend ,she completed her law and now established her career as a successful lawyer in a reputed firm. And started rescuing girls who are being harassed by evils within the family and outside the family.

What Kusum did, we all used to talk about it but when it comes to deliver it, we all get scared of our family, of being judged and the worst of the society. It takes courage to frame the evil, who exist in our family, in our school, in our friends. When we talk about sex ed. It only exists in urban areas, but girls do belong to rural areas too. Thus, we need to explore our ideas and thoughts at Pan India level. 

Women do understand what is harassment , what is eve- teasing and other kinds of stuff after experiencing them. Sometimes when you share your experience then u will realize other one’s is more horrible than yours. And we all survive happily and the evils are roaming freely, maybe crushing another one. What Kusum has initiated is the most bold and courageous and we need more Kusum in our society and we need to aware rural areas about sex education and teach girls or even kids what is a good touch or bad touch? It’s surreal in these days, when we have no idea where these evils exist, it can be anyone whether your uncle, cousin, friend, teacher or anyone.

It's worse that each and every woman who came from many diversities and cultures of the entire country and once in a while, they had this experience who crushed their soul and what they did, they understood that this is bad and we need to be aware of that. There are many campaigns regarding awareness of sexual harassment, we need to explore them at the basic ground level, so that we could make a healthy environment for girl child and then only she could lead her life freely on her own choice without any regret. We need to answer this constant question with awareness and education that ‘’we do not need to get harassed to understand harassment.’’